


Like the first time

by nurantarenendurath



Series: The Downfall of Darkness [2]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angband, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-09-13 15:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16895373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nurantarenendurath/pseuds/nurantarenendurath
Summary: It is the time of Melkors imprisoning in Valinor, Mairon is nearly by himself in the big fortress of AngbandHis only company are the Balrogs in the depths of AngbandYet something happens in the west. Suddenly all light is gone and it seems like something terrible has happendMairon doesn't know whats going on, yet he hopes for Melkors returnWill his master really return and what will he bring with himWho knows?





	1. Part 1

The wind was harsh and cold as always in the high north of Middleearth and the dark flags of Angband were fluttering in the cold breath of Manwe which he sent to the north to show his enemies that he knew where they were.   
Mairons eyes followed the fast movements of one of these flags. He wondered if Manwe was able to see him, if this wind was a sign that he would come again to get him, like he did with Melkor.   
Melkor his name was bidder and sweet at the same time. The mighty arising, the most powerful of all the beings in Ea. And now he was captured. Captured in the holy land of Valinor where the Valar lived.   
His eyes were now focusing the west, this damned direction where all the bad came from to destroy Melkors plans. Three thousand and one year and seventy days had passed and Melkor didn’t come back.  
Mairon hated himself cause of his coward behavior. He hid from the troops of Valinor and he watched Melkor how he was captured and brought back to the lands he left in hate.   
“I should’ve revealed myself to come with him. I could have protected him”, whispered Mairon. He didn’t know how often he had said those words. He treated them like a spell and hoped they would bring him the courage to go to Valinor and to set his master, no his loved one, free.   
But the courage won’t come. He was still a little Coward and he knew that Melkor was disappointed in him. He was a terrible servant, a terrible friend, a terrible lover…  
Mairon sighed and turned away from the harsh winds of the west. He left the balcony which Melkor built only for him, beccause sometimes Mairon still needed the light of Laurélin and Telperion. Another thing he hated about himself. He wasn’t an Ainur anymore, he was Sauron, Gothaur the gruesome and many other names were given to him by the Quendy. But still, for Melkor, he would always stay Mairon.  
Angband wasn’t a nice place. Of course it wasn’t. Melkor loved black and darkness and the glimmering light of destroying flames. Mairon remembered, he often complained about the cold and the ugliness of this place. Now he wished he never said those words. He wished he could apologize. But it wasn’t possible. Melkor was gone and every apologize was worthless. Especially Mairons apologizes. They lost their worth when he hid although he could have fought against these ignorant Valar.


	2. Part 2

Mairons steps echoed loud in the big halls of Angband which Melkor built eons ago to protect himself when the Valar attacked. It didn’t help him. Utumno was in ruins and Angband had lost nearly every Orc.   
He wasn’t alone but Mairon felt like this. He couldn’t explain it but there was a gap in his heart. And he knew exactly that the only one who could close this gap was in the far West of Valinor.   
The gate to Melkors dorm was open as always. Mairon wouldn’t even dare to close it. The open wings of the dark gate always seemed like Melkor had just left to get some of the Quendy. It was a nice illusion and Mairon had to smile every time he saw it.   
Mairon smiled as he saw the open gate and imagined how Melkor comes back with some Quendy. “Let’s forge some Orcs.” Yes he would say this, with this insane but also genius grin on the face.   
Mairons smile faded. It fades always. Because it didn’t matter how nice and calming the illusion of the open gate was. It was still… and it would always stay nothing but an illusion.   
A single tear fled from Mairons eyes, made his way over his cheekbone and done to his chin. There it hold still for a few seconds then it fell and dropped on the floor. A silent, lonely sound, of a silent lonely tear from a silent and lonely Ainur, who hated himself because he disappointed the only person in whole Ea, who he could call a friend. And even more than that…  
Mairon went through the gate and took a deep breath. Everything smelled a bit like cherred salt and ambers and Mairon knew well enough whose smell and taste this was.   
The bed was way too big for only one person. But before Melkor was captured it had been used by two persons. Mairon smiled again as he remembered the warmth and safety of Melkors strong arms, which had hold him every time he was struggling about his doing.   
Melkor had held him; he was there for him since forever. And Mairon threw his trust, his love away to be safe. But what worth had safety when you can’t share it with someone who means the world to you. Don’t you wish that these persons are safe, even if you can’t be it?  
Mairon couldn’t held the tears back, as he sat on the giant bed which was so empty, since over three thousand years and which was going to stay empty forever. And like the bed Mairon was empty too, dead and empty.   
The Ainur didn’t know death but Mairon wished it will come to get him. He hadn’t deserved to life while Melkor was captured because of him. And it was his fault that was clear to him.   
Mairon cried silently and lay done on the empty bed, in this empty room full of memories of joy which only brought more pain to him. He closed his eyes and his worthless tears were wetting the dark bedcover. And he drifted away into a sleep which was going to bring him terrible nightmares about Melkor. How he was tortured by the Valar.  
The sleep was a punishment for Mairon. But- and this was his last thought before he went into the nightmares- He deserved every punishment in Ea, for letting his true love go…


	3. Part 3

The light was bright and warm. Laurélin and Telperion were standing proudly on their hill and Laurélin gave the world a golden shine. Valinor was silent and peaceful no one was concerned and no one could even think about something bad to happen.  
Melkor hated the light, he hated the trees, the thoughtless people and every inch of this damned lands. But he grinned about the lack of concern and was glad that now one expected something bad to happen. No one, except for him.   
He knew about the Noldor and that they were going to fight soon. He spoke to them often enough, told them about weapons and wars and everything the Valar thought was forgotten.   
They should’ve known better than that. Even Aule and Tulkas the two who remembered the bad he did to the world the best seemed like they didn’t expect another attack of his evil. Melkor laughed silently.   
His plans were nearly finished. Feanor was banned, the Valar searched him. But they didn’t expect him to still be in Aman. But he was and his vicious eye was focusing the trees and Feanors halls, were the Silmarills lay.   
Soon, very soon he would be ready for his revenge, which would bring eternal darkness to the world. Or at least, darkness for some time.   
Melkor laughed when he thought about his brilliant plan, which was going to set him free and show the Valar how weak and dumb they were to let him go. His freedom meant the end of the world like the Valar knew it. It meant a return of the ruler of Utumno.   
When he thought about Utumno he turned around and he looked to the wide sea which was between him and his home. But not Utumno, Utumno was only a building and now it was a ruin. His true home wasn’t something material…  
“Mairon.” He held this name since he was captured by this damned Valar and only this word kept him alive. Of course he couldn’t die but the thought of Mairon saved him to lose all his power in the dark dungeons of Mandos.   
His name gave him the strength to kneel before Manwe and to ask for forgiveness. The possibility to return to him was encouraging his mind to form the brilliant plan, which would lead him to his home, to his love.  
Melkor closed his eyes and saw the day when the Valar came to capture him.   
“Go, Mairon you aren’t safe, they will destroy you”, ordered Melkor to him, while he was changing his appearance to the ruler of Utumno. “But…” Mairon wanted to protest but Melkor left before he could say a word. The last thing which he saw from his love was one copper red strand of hair which disappeared behind a corner, as Mairon left the room.   
He was still out there, alone in Angband and waiting for him to return. He didn’t come back to Valinor to apologize what showed Melkor that their love wasn’t fake. Mairon could never betray him.   
“I will come back my dear, don’t forget me”, whispered Melkor and Manwes breath took his words and blew them to the east where they faded about the giant waters of Ulmos kingdom.   
Melkor sighed, than he turned away from the east and hoped that Mairon would somehow hear his words. Melkor went to the south. Slowly and lost in his own thoughts and memories. Don’t lose the hope Mairon, I will come back soon I promise, thought Melkor and took another step on his journey to one of his oldest friends…


	4. Part 4

Mairon had a terrible nightmare, as always. He dreamed he was standing on one side of a giant canyon and on the other side there was Melkor and he waved when he saw Mairon. And he smiled like he used to do it in times which were long forgotten.  
“Get over here”, shouted Mairon and waved intensively but it had no use. Melkor didn’t hear him and just kept on waving as if there was nothing more important to do. “Come on you are being ridiculous.” He tried to say but a sharp wind blew his words away.   
With this wind there came dark shadows, which were forming horrible creatures behind Melkor. He didn’t even notice, he just smiled and waved and forgot everything around him.   
“Look out”, scream Mairon with all the power he got in his tiny voice. But his voice seemed to shrink and the winds were howling and they threw his words of warning away as if they were nothing but trash. And wasn’t it like that  
Why did he even warn Melkor, he betrayed him one time why not another time? Mairon shaked his head. No, why was he thinking like that. He mustn’t let Melkor be captured again. But he couldn’t warn him either. The winds were to strong and the shadows were crawling nearer.   
Mairon decided to do something dumb so he walked backwards until he thought that he got enough start to jump over the canyon. He began to run. Faster, faster, faster. The cliff came nearer and he felt like his power was leaving him behind. His determination faded.  
But there was no turning back. The canyon came and he jumped. He wasn’t strong enough to make it. He knew that for sure. Melkor was looking at him in total shock because he knew that he would fall.   
Melkor opened his mouth, his beautiful lips formed his name but no sound came to Mairons ear. He tried to smile to Melkor but he couldn’t. Tears fell in the eternal darkness of the bottomless canyon. Mairon fell.  
He closed his eyes and fell into the darkness he deserved for betraying his loved one in such a terrible way.   
But suddenly he didn’t fall anymore. A strong hand held him round his wrist, dark nails were damaging his skin. Mairon opened his eyes and looked up. Melkors face was above him with a smile full of gladness. Gladness about the fact, that he was able to safe him.   
Mairon smiled gladly too but his smile faded fast as he saw the shadows, which were forming behind Melkor. “Melkor let go. Run, they are behind you.” He warned Melkor. “No I won’t let you go. I’ll never again leave you”, Melkor replied and held Mairon even tighter.  
Mairons eyes filled up with tears. “Please Melkor, for your own safety, they will get you”, he cried while the shadows were forming Manwes hateful face, with a triumphal grin on it. Mairon had to look away.   
“Never how could I let you go, you are everything to me.” Melkors eyes were now covered in tears to, while the shadows formed a sword and lifted it to kill Melkor. “I have let you go, back then when the Valar came, I was a coward, dumb piece of trash, and I have let you go”, screamed Mairon and the his tears fell into the dark and were joined by the ones of Melkor.   
“But…”, Melkor couldn’t finish his sentence. The shadows moved the sword and it hit Melkor. He gasped, the shadows were laughing and the strength of Melkors warm hand was fading, his eyes were closing slowly.  
“No don’t, don’t leave me again please”, Mairon begged and tried to keep Melkor awake, but it had no use. The sword hit him again. The laughter was loud and terrible. Slowly Mairons arm was sliding through Melkors fingers, which used to be so strong.   
For one moment Melkor opened his eyes again. A last smile formed on his face. “I love you”, he whispered, than he let go. Mairon fell and he screamed. But he didn’t scream because of his one faith, he screamed because of Melkors.   
“Melkor.” His name was echoing in the giant canyon, the last light faded and eternal darkness surrounded Mairon. “Melkor.” Then there was silent and he fell and fell, into an darkness with no end.  
Mairon woke up screaming and for one moment it seemed like he didn’t only dream about eternal darkness, because the whole world seemed to be dark. He stood up and went to one of the rare windows in Angbang. It was night out there. The light of the trees was gone.   
“Melkor, what happened”, Mairon whispered and looked to the west. Something had happened but the question was if it was good or bad for him and even more important if it had to say something about Melkor.


	5. Part 5

Melkor ran like he never did before. The darkness covered his flight to the north and he heard the voices of the Noldor especially the one of Feanor. “Morgoth”, he screamed and cursed him. But Melkor only was able to smile. Because in his hand there lay the Silmarills  
Their light was the only thing left from the trees and now they belonged to him. Melkor, the Morgoth of Arda. He liked the name, it had something dark within it.   
But Melkors luck wasn’t complete because he felt the warm and stinky breath of Ungolianth behind him. She helped him very good, but now she was still following him and he couldn’t outrun her.   
His thoughts were totally confused. He won, he totally won this battle. The Valar were covered in darkness and all of their power won’t bring back the trees. He killed Fingon and stole the Silmarill and the treasure of the Noldor. But Ungolianth was still there.  
Melkors only hope was the trusted lands of Middleearth where Mairon would await him. The Helcaraxe was the only way to get back in his old kingdom. Ungolianth knew this but she still followed him.  
Even the ice of the Helcaraxe wouldn’t hold her back. She got too strong through the power of the trees, which she sucked form them. She was big and awful even in Melkors eyes. And she stunk. Eru! She stunk.   
And Melkor knew that she wanted him to give her the treasure of the Noldor. She wanted to eat these precious jewels. What a waste of such great work. But that wasn’t the only reason why Melkor wanted Ungolianth to go away. He was concerned about the destiny of the Silmarills.  
If Ungolianth got to see them she was going to demand them as payment for her services. Melkor knew that. And so he tried desperately to outrun her. Because he wanted the Silmarill. He needed them since he saw them the first time.   
He had waited to steel them for so long and now that he got them he already called them his Own. And he won’t give them to Ungolianth. Never!  
But that meant he would have to fight her and he didn’t know if this was going to end good for him. Ungolianth was gigantic because of the power of the trees and it was obvious that her strength had increased too.   
Mairon, help me, Melkor thought panic-stricken and ran a bit faster, over the sharp ices of the Helcaraxe. He felt how his power was slowly fading because of his fast run. And with his powers the chances faded that he would win a fight against Ungolianth.   
He was going to lose the Silmarills. Melkor hated this thought. He was just named Morgoth because of his triumph against these dumb Valar. He can’t lose against a Maiar now. Who also once was a servant of him.  
Middleearth came in sight and Ungolianth was still right behind Melkor and she was not even thinking about letting him go without receiving the things which she thought she deserved for sucking up the trees.   
Melkor knew that this was going to end bad but still he hoped that somehow Mairon would safe him. He set all his trust in Mairon, because he knew he can. Mairon couldn’t disappoint him. He mustn’t.  
Melkor kept on running and begging silently for a miracle. He hoped that Mairon would be this miracle. No. He knew that Mairon was going to be this miracle. He had to…


	6. Part 6

The darkness still lay above the lands and Mairon lighted up the few torches in Angbang which threw their flickering light into the wide halls of this left place. The emptiness of Angband symbolized very well how Mairon felt.  
The darkness made him worry and concerned about Melkor and every second he looked to the west in expectation of a giant army which was going to get him to. Not that he didn’t deserve this but surely that would mean that they killed Melkor.  
No! That couldn’t be, it mustn’t be. Mairon held back the tears which came only because he pictured Melkor how he was dying. His mighty body slain by such Ignorants who won’t understand that he only wanted to bring freedom to the world.   
But no! “Be realistic Mairon”, he said to himself to calm a little bit down. But it didn’t really help. Of course he knew that Melkor was one of the Ainur. An immortal being who couldn’t be slain.  
But the Valar were gruesome creatures who always find a way. Illuvátar was on their side and he could betray his own rules. And so the Valar could have killed Melkor. “That’s not true”, screamed Mairon and hit his fist against a dark wall of Angbang. The whole building shivered.  
“Fuck”, shouted Mairon as the pain shot through his body. At least the pain distracted him a little bit and he forgot his worries for a few seconds. Still cursing about the pain he went deeper into the dungeons of Angband.  
He did this every time when he couldn’t be alone anymore which happened quite often in the last few days. In the deeper caves of Angband there hid the other servants of Melkor. And like Mairon they waited for him to return.   
He changed his appearance while he went down the giant black stairway to the Halls of smiths, like he named it. That was his kingdom but there wasn’t much to rule about.  
Angband was very fragile since the Valar attacked it and the Hall of smiths was nearly totally destroyed. Mairon never brought up the power to build it up again. There was no use in this anyway. The smiths were gone. Most of them fled to the west to apologize other ones got killed by the army of the Valar.   
Mairon wasn’t sad about their death. They were useless and slow. The really great work was always done by him. The blacksmith of Almaren.   
When he left the stairway, he wasn’t Mairon anymore. He was bigger, stronger and held a deathly Morningstar in his right hand. Now he was Sauron the most powerful among the servants of Melkor. He was Gothaur the gruesome.   
He forged the dark amour in his first year in Melkors service and still it was perfect. Many black metal plates were forged together to a strong but nearly weightless amour which covered his whole body.  
Only his face was free form black metal. At the beginning Mairon wanted to wear a mask but Melkor didn’t want this. “Your face is way too beautiful to be hid behind such raw material”, he said and then kissed him on his forehead. Mairon still felt the warmth of his lips at this spot.   
So Mairon didn’t wear a mask but many lost souls wished that he did. Because in his appearance as Sauron. Mairons eyes were glowing. They seem to be on fire and only one short glance could blind an Elve instantly.   
Only Melkor could look back when Mairon looked at him with those eyes. And he even smiled about the viciousness of Mairons eyes. “You should make this your symbol”, he said very often. “A glowing, burning, red eye.” He always laughed after this. And Mairon laughed with him.   
Now he couldn’t laugh anymore. His laughter left with Melkor and like him it was lost forever. Mairon tried not to cry while he passed some of the Orcs who survived the attack of the Valar.   
The worthless creatures were afraid of him, Mairon sensed that and so he gave them one of his terrible views. They screamed and fled from Mairon. But he couldn’t even grin about it.  
Even teasing Orcs wasn’t fun without Melkor. Mairon went deeper and deeper into Angbands dungeons till he found the caserne of the Balrogs. They were the only ones to whom Mairon could talk to.  
He didn’t knock, he just went in and as always the Balrogs were fighting. Gothmog set in a corner in his appearance as Ainur and he was watching to of his companions how they were fighting in the fighting ring of the caserne.   
One of them was in the appearance of a normal Balrog with wings and fire around him. The other one was another creature Mairon didn’t know. The Balrogs got much fantasy it was possible that the creature not even existed. But it was big and got horns and it fought very well.   
Mairon sat down next to Gothmog and for a few seconds they watched the fight without even talking to each other. But Gothmog was too smart to not noticing that Mairon wasn’t here to watch the fight.   
“What does concern you my Lord”, he asked sarcastically. Mairon didn’t know much about friendship but Gothmog was the only one who could be sarcastic about him without getting killed so he guessed that he may be his friend.  
“Darkness lays above the lands I…” Mairon didn’t finish the sentence he looked up because he heard something. Gothmog alos heard it, his stealgrey eyes were focusing the roof of the room.   
“Ahh..” There it was again. Mairon knew this voice, he would always recognize it even after over threethousand years. He litarally jumped from his chair. “That’s Melkor”, he shouted and the Balrogs stopped their fighting. “Come on he is in danger”, ordered Mairon, grabbed his Morningstar and ran up again. Melkor, he thought. Don’t give up I’am coming…


	7. Part 7

Melkor was fighting. He blocked a hit of Ungolianths claw only to feel another one scratching on his side. “You always were a liar blackheart. Now you’ll pay for your lies. You shouldn’t betray Ungolianth”, she screamed than she threw Melkor against a mountain which was breaking because of Melkors weight.  
He fell down on the ground and spitted a little bit of his own blood. He never had seen it before and it fascinated him for one moment. But the pain which came with the blood wasn’t fascinating.  
Melkor screamed terribly, leaped up and ran to Ungolianth, who was already awaiting him. Her claws were red at their ends. Melkors blood. It was nearly funny. Everyone called him blackheart and now his blood was red.  
“Those jewels aren’t for you. You are nothing but a servant you can’t hold the Silmaril”, Melkor shouted pointing his hands to Ungolianth and releasing a giant storm of darkness about her. The powers of the Valar were still with him. He couldn’t lose against a Maiar. No matter how strong she was.   
Ungolianth cut through the darkness with her sharp claws. She was angry and ran towards Melkor. Before her giant and heavy body could touch him Melkor disappeared and reappeared behind Ungolianth.  
He lifted his hand and Grond formed out of darkness, hate and the pain of countless tortured elves. It wasn’t called the hammer of the underworld for no reason.   
“Feel the power of Morgoth”, Melkor laughed, lifting Grond higher and hitting Ungolianth right in the back. She screamed in pain and in anger too. Her claw hit Melkor before he could disappear again and his blood was wetting the ground and it mixed with the black blood of Ungolianth.  
He felt the weakness of this mortal body and wanted to break free but he couldn’t. He wasn’t strong enough. Once he was but this times had gone. Only a miracle could help him. He knew this from the beginning. Angband was near. It was so near that Melkor could see the balcony which he built for Mairon.  
But it wasn’t close enough. “Help me”, Melkor screamed again. And his mighty voice was thrown back by the mountains. A terrible scream was forged through this echo. They had to hear him, they must have heard him!  
Grond was hitting the ground. Melkor became slower and he got tired. Ungolianth was fast and powerful. Too powerful for him without his servants. That was for sure. And Ungolianth knew that. So she stopped hitting Melkor and just waited for him to die because of his wounds.  
“Now I will not only eat your precious jewels but you too. I will consume all your dark power and I will get big enough to defeat the Valar and even the mighty Eru. You can’t stop me blackheart”, Ungolianth laughed and she came nearer to Melkor who gave up on fighting.  
He didn't have the strength for this anymore. All his resistance against the Valar, all his hopes and dreams about a kingdom which he and Mairon would rule together. They faded as the shadow of Ungolianth came about Melkor. The one who once arose in might.  
Melkor closed his eyes when Ungolianth lifted her claw to end this. And he remembered the they when he saw Mairon first. It was at the great smith halls of Aule. And Mairon worked. He used to work all the time these days.  
This read hair, this glimmering, golden eyes. Melkor knew that it was love from the first sight. But Mairon wasn’t very lucky about his interest. It took a long time until Maiorn realized that their love was real.   
“That’s forbidden”, he said after their first night with each other. In the giant halls of Utumno. “We can’t do this”, he whispered and cuddled with Melkor while watching the dark roof.   
Melkor remembered that he kissed him on the forehead like he loved to do it. “There is no such thing as forbidden in this world Mairon”, he said softly while he was playing with his long red hair, which was an absolute mass when it was out of his fishbone tail.   
“There are only things the Ainur are afraid to do. But you and me Mairon. We are no Ainur anymore. We are banned because they don’t understand what we want”, Melkor added. “But what do we want. Aren’t we the evil in this story”, he replied.  
Melkor just laughed. “They call us evil, because we don’t want to life by their rules. But we aren’t Mairon. Our only aim is to forge a kingdom where people like you and me can life and love in peace. Without the guidance of a guy playing god”, answered Melkor.  
Mairon laughed. “Sometimes you are wiser than you look lord of Utumno” he said and then he kissed him and after that they only spoke through their doings and not through their words.   
“Melkor”, Mairons voice was calling his name. Melkor was sure it was an illusion. He smiled an knew that the final hit was coming. “I will wait for you my dear”, he whispered. “Till the void do us part”…..


	8. Part 8

Mairon ran out of the gate of Angband which became unnecessary, because of the countless holes in the walls of Angband. “Melkor “, he screamed in tears of fear and looked around, desperately hoping for a sign of his one true love.   
Another scream rose from a far distance and it was weaker, than the other screams. Melkor was in danger. Mairon ran in the direction, where he thought the scream came from.   
A giant shadow was moving in this direction. It was dark and disgusting. Mairon knew this form of appearance. “Ungolianth”, he shouted and his voice made the mountains shiver. He changed his appearance and Sauron ran now to Ungolianth.  
“Let him go”, he screamed, lifting his mighty Morningstar, giving Ungolianth the feared look of Saurons eyes. Ungolianth was turning around and her evil, little eyes found the Maiar who was running to her.  
Mairon knew that the Balrogs where behind him, he heard Gothmogs roar and felt his heat as he transformed to the form in which the Balrogs where known and feared in whole Middleearth.  
“You can’t defeat me Fireeye, he betrayed me, he is mine now”, hissed Ungolianth. That was the moment when Mairon saw Melkor. He lay on the ground and wasn’t moving. His blood formed a little lake around his body.  
“You bastard”, screamed Mairon and flames surrounded him and his Morningstar as he did the first hit. Ungolianth was fatter than in Mairons memory. She moved slow but strong.   
The first hit wasn’t good, it had been led by anger and Ungolianth hadn’t a problem to escape. But Mairon wasn’t alone. The Balrogs came, and they were angry. Their flames lightened up the darkness and their roaring was mixing with the screams of Melkor which were caged in the mountains forever.   
“Leave”, demanded Mairon and his fire hit Ungolianth who was desperately trying to defeat at least one of her opponents. But she got weaker and weaker and she knew it. She couldn’t win in this fight. Ten Maiar against one. The end of this fight was clear.  
“I will come back blackheart, may revenge will be fatal”, warned Ungolianth when she began to flee. “Follow her”, Mairon ordered the Balrogs and they followed the defeated spider into the darkness.   
As soon as they were gone Mairon changed his appearance and ran for Melkor. He literally threw himself on the ground end kneeled before Melkors destroyed body.  
“Melkor”, he whispered while he stroke over his damaged amour. He still had the appearance of the Lord of Utumno. But his power faded and his amour disappeared slowly. His long black her was falling out of his helmet and was wetted with blood.  
“Melkor please, you can’t leave me now, you just came back, you musn’t leave me”, cried Mairon and he lay his head on Melkors chest. He felt the weak movement of his breath which became weaker every second.  
“No I don’t allow this”, Mairon screamed and shook Melkors injured body. “Do you hear me, I won’t let you die, never, you will always be by my side. You promised to do so. Don’t break your promise!”  
Mairon was lifting his hands and he began to speak the spells of the Maiar, which won’t save Melkor but help him. Mairon still hoped that Melkor would find the power to heal himself.   
But it didn’t look good. The ruler of Utumno had disappeared completely and Melkor how Mairon used to know him lay before him. Melkors power faded. But he still was alive. He fought like a Valar should do it and Mairon hoped that this would save him.  
“Come back”, he shouted, pressing his hands on Melkors chest and revealing the magic of the Ainur. A bright light disturbed the darkness and Melkor coughed but he didn’t wake up. It had no use but Maiorn continued. But his own power faded slowly…


	9. Part 9

Darkness. Silence. Mairon didn’t hear anything. There was nothing but the emptiness around him. The Void! He always knew that the day would come when he fades away and end up here.  
The void was the resting place for those who hadn’t deserved it to rest in the holy lands of Valinor. Mairon always wondered if he would be reincarnated after his death, like it was usual for a Maiar. Now he knew the answer.   
He didn’t move, he didn’t scream, he just held still and listened to the darkness around him. Something wasn’t right about this place. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew it for sure.  
There was a breath. It was quiet and weak but it was a breath. Mairon slowly lifted a hand and touched his face. There were bandages around his head, around his whole body. He wasn’t in the void he just was very injured.   
The bandages fell of his eyes and he had to close them immediately because of the bright light, which shined into his face. He opened them again and looked away from the light, which came from a fire, which was floating above his head.  
It was the magic of a Balrog and on Mairons side, there sat Gothmog. But he didn’t look for him, in front of Gothmog there lay another body and Maiorn knew who’s body it was.   
“How is he doing”, he asked, trying to stand up but failing at the attempt. Gothmog was looking over his shoulder. He seemed exhausted but not concerned. “He is okay, your healing saved him My Lord”, he answered sarcastically like always.  
Mairon tried to stand up again and this time he made it. His legs were weak but his wounds seemed to be gone. He didn’t even notice that he had been hurt. But the use of such amount of magic always demands its tribute.   
Mairon sat down next to Gothmog and looked to Melkors resting face. His wounds still were terrible and his breath was weak, but he didn’t seem to be in danger to die anymore.   
“He won’t wake up, will he?,” Mairon said sadly, looking at the wounds which weakened Melkor so much. Gothmog shook his head. “I don’t think so. He has been hurt too badly, his wounds are deep. Only a miracle could save him now”, he said and Mairon couldn’t tell whether he was glad or sad about this fact.  
Mairon didn’t cry, he thought that Melkor would die because of his wounds to know that he would stay alive was more than he could expect. But the fact that he never would talk to him again, that he never would be able to tell him how sorry he was about his behavior in Utumno tarred Mairons heart apart.   
That he never would kiss Melkor again, never would feel his arms around him. Never love him again…  
Still he didn’t cry he shouldn’t be weak in front of Gothmog, who surely was struggling about his service for Melkor. Mairon mustn’t let it happen that Melkors kingdom falls.  
He stood up, ignoring his weak legs. “There is a way”, he said, remembering the words which many Maiar always said to him. “In Lorién there is a cure for everything”, Mairon repeated what they always used to say.  
Gothmog laughed. It wasn’t a nice laugh, it was filled with hate and anger and a little bit of desperation. “You are insane”, he said and kept on laughing. “One does not simply walk into the gardens of Lorién. The gates are guided by brighter things than simple elves.”   
Mairon knew that Gothmog was right. But he had to do something. He couldn’t let Melkor stay like this forever. The Valar would come again and Melkor had to be strong on this day.  
“I will go”, Mairon said and turned away from Melkors injured body. “I’m not expecting you to return”, Gothmog replied. Mairon didn’t comment on that. He was on a mission and Gothmogs words won’t stop him. He left Angband, transformed into his favorite appearance, a giant black raven and spread his wings.  
He looked at Angband for the last time and it seemed like the first time at the same moment. The dark towers, which were now nearly ruins and the powerful walls. “Wait for me”, Mairon whispered, than he jumped in the air and flew away. Far, far away into the west…


	10. Part 10

To see Valinor covered in darkness was an unusual Sight. Mairon couldn’t believe what he saw. The trees were gone and no light but the one of the stars found Valinor. Melkor did great damage to the land of his enemies. Mairon allowed himself a little smile.  
But he had no time to waste. Melkor was fighting against the death. He had a mission and he had to fulfill it as soon as possible. The only problem were the guards.  
The gates of Valinor weren’t just guarded by elves. Maiar stood on top of the Pelorí mountains. And their eyes were bright and their weapons were dangerous. Melkors attack didn’t only have good sides.  
“Why do you have to overdo these things every time”, Mairon asked Melkor, ignoring the fact that he wasn’t there. He would surely say that it was for the greater good. But Mairon knew that that was a lie. Melkor just liked the chaos.  
“Your chaos will be the reason for my demise”, mumbled Mairon while he searched a way which was safe. But it was nearly impossible. The guards were Maiar. They wouldn’t be tricked as easy as the elves.   
But Mairon wasn’t a servant of Melkor for nothing. He took a deep breath and walked straight to the Maiar guard. He became faster when he saw that he didn’t know the Maiar who was standing there. Maybe he would be tricked easier than others.   
“Stop, who are you”, he yelled and Maiorn stopped and lifted his hands. If this doesn’t work I am going to kill you Melkor, he thought before he faked a smile for the guard who lifted a little lamp to see who was coming there.  
Of course Mairon wasn’t so dumb that he showed himself in the appearance of Sauron or Gothaur the gruesome. At the moment he was Mairon as he used to be as he still lived in Valinor.   
“I’m Mairon, I work for Aule, and I was on a quest for him. What happened here”, he said and he lied like Melkor taught him to. The face of the Maiar became friendlier but still he seemed to be skeptical.  
“I’ve never heard of a Maiar named Mairon”, he said. Mairon laughed but in his inside he screamed in panic. “I work here since the first days boy, I know these lands and if I tell Aule that you’ve been blocking me on my way to him, he will get very angry”, Mairon said and pretended his words were true.  
“I’m not allowed to let anyone pass”, the Maiar said but Mairon sensed his fear. He knew that he asked himself if he was going to be punished. This was the time he chose to give him the look of Sauron.  
“If you don’t let me pass, you’ll never be able to hold anyone back”, he said nearly peaceful but the Maiar was shivering. “Please go through, but don’t hurt me”, he begged. Mairon sighed. “Very well”, he said and walked pass the Maiar.  
But before he went into Valinor, he turned around. “What’s your name boy”, he wanted to know. The Maiar still shivered. He was afraid of him, Mairon knew that for sure. “Olórin, I am a servant of Nienna” he answered.   
Mairon nearly had to laugh. Of course. Nienna was the only one among the Valar who would send such a coward to guard the land. The luck was on Mairons side. “Don’t forget that you fear me Olórin”, warned Mairon and then he went off to Valinor.  
After he passed the mountains it wasn’t difficult to get to the gates of Lorién. The Valar had to be very damaged because of the loss of the trees, cause even the trees of Lorién seemed to be less powerful than they were in younger days.   
No one guarded the gates of Lorién. Mairon leaped above the high fence and landed silently in the middle of what seemed paradise. As fast as he could he ran through the gardens and searched for the one plant he needed.   
“Athelas, athelas”, he whispered, looking at every plant, but he didn’t found the trusted leaves of Athelas. He went deeper and deeper into Lorién and he knew that this wouldn’t end up good. Someone would find him the question was…  
“Mairon…” Mairon looked up, he knew this voice from the halls of Aule. His heart stopped beating as he saw HIS face….


	11. Part 11

He wasn’t able to move, he just stared up to the only person he felt sorry about when he left Valinor. His face was the same the time hadn’t been able to change it.  
“Curumo.” Mairon didn’t know how to continue he was too confused. How did Curumo know about him being in Valinor. No one had seen him except for Olórin, and Mairon was sure that he didn’t dare to tell anyone he let someone go into Valinor.  
“You still remember me, I’m surprised”, Curumo said and a sad smile sneaked over his face. Mairon wanted to reply that he would never be able to forget him, but Curumo lifted his hand.  
“Don’t say it, I don’t want to hear your lies. I only hear the voice of Melkor and its corruption.” His words were harsh but he didn’t attack Mairon, which meant that there still was hope that he would get out of this and back to Melkor.  
“They call him Morgoth now, did you know that”, Curumo asked. Mairon couldn’t resist the smile which fought itself onto his lips. “Black enemy of the world, he would like that”, he smiled but Curumos angry look made him stop smiling.   
“That’s no joke Mairon”, Curumo hissed and his eyes glowed for one second. There was evil in him but Melkor never made it to convince him to join his army. Mairon still hoped that someday he and Curumo would work together again.   
“I should bring you to Manwe and let him decide about your fate”, Curumo added but he didn’t do so, he just stood there and waited for Mairon to say something. “I’m not here to fight”, Mairon began.   
Curumo didn’t seem to belief him but he didn’t interrupt him. “I need the healing power of Lorién”, Mairon continued. Curumo laughed. “You think that you still got the right to demand the help of the Valar. That’s sweet Mairon.” He shook his head in disbelief.  
“I’m not joking Curumo, I need Athelas leaves”, Mairon explained and Curumo became serious again. His eyes were observing his whole body with a skeptic glance.  
“You aren’t injured, for what do you need Athelas leaves”, he asked and Mairon knew that he couldn’t lie now or Curumo would call for Manwe and the other Valar. “I need them for Melkor, he had been wounded”, Mairon sighed.  
Curumo seemed surprised that Mairon said the truth and he was even more surprised about the fact that Melkor had been wounded. “You know I could tell this to the Valar and they will end his worthless life for all days”, Curumo warned.  
“But you won’t do so”, guessed Mairon hopeful. Curumo shook his head. “Don’t think I like you or even forgive you for what you’ve done. I will never forgive you. And some day I will come to middleearth to fight you”, spoke Curumo and he was totally serious.  
Mairon just nodded. “I’m doing this for Mairon, who once was my best friend and hated Melkor like we all did”, Curumo added and lifted his hand. Light formed many Athelas leaves in the air and they fell into Mairons hand.  
“Thank you”, Mairon said honestly. “Don’t thank me, I am your enemy”, Curumo said silently and turned away. “Sauron.” To hear him say this name, which was filled with so much hate of the people of the world. Mairon knew that he just lost a good friend.  
“Go now, Lord Irmo will come soon, he never leaves Lorién for long time”, Curumo ordered. He went away and didn’t turn around. “Bye Curumo”, Mairon whispered.   
Only few seconds later a giant raven was flying over the Pelóri mountains. Hundred guards were screaming warnings but Mairon was too fast. He reached the sea and Valinor disappeared behind him. “I’m coming Melkor”, he screamed while holding the Athelas leaves like they were his children.


	12. Part 12

Melkors breath was slow. Gothmog had cooled him down a bit but Melkor was still sweating. He wasn’t doing well and even the Athelas didn’t help much. It was the tenth soup of this leaves which Mairon gave to him and barely anything changed.  
Of course the color came back to Melkors Taint and once he even woke up for some seconds but his status still was critical. The wounds of Ungolianths claws still looked terrible and there was no sign that this was going to change soon.  
Mairon sighed as he saw that also the tenth Athelas soup didn’t change a thing but he didn’t really expected it. “Seemes like there are wounds which even the mighty gardens of Lorién aren’t able to heal”, said Gothmog, who didn’t seem to be very concerned about Melkors fate.  
“The Athelas will work, you’ll see”, answered Mairon and he knew he lied to himself. “Or I’m going to see a Valar die. Both would be a miracle”, Gothmog laughed.   
Mairon wanted to punish him but he was too weak. He wasted much of his power for the fly to Valinor and back. Gothmog would kill him when he attacked him now. It was not the right time.  
Melkor would take care of him. And Mairon hoped so deeply that Melkor would someday be able to punish his Balrogs again. He loved to punish his servants. Except for Mairon, but he wasn’t a servant he was….more.  
Mairon looked to the Athelas he broght back from Valinor. There weren’t very much anymore. Nearly all of them had been used already to cure Melkor. But it had nearly no use.   
Mairon was already thinking about ending Melkors pain, because he knew Melkor didn’t want him to be stressed because of his doings. But Mairon wasn’t ready to be this egocentric.  
A little evil voice inside him whispered that he already had been egocentric when the Valar came to get Melkor. He hid form them and did nothing to save his master and loved one. Why not be egocentric again.  
Mairon shook his head in unwillingness. That was not his way to be. He would save Melkor even when it would end his life. He couldn’t let him die after everything he went through just because of Mairon.   
“It would be better to set him free. Let him go Gothaur”, Gothmog said nearly softly but with a harsh sound too. And of course he was right. The Valar surely would come again because Mairon stole Athelas from Lorién.  
Melkor wouldn’t be able to fight. This time Manwe himself would kill him. Mairon was pretty sure about that and he ognored the fact that Manwe never killed someone. Melkor had done too much to let him life.   
Without Melkor there would still be the possibility to surrender to apologize and even to go back to Valinor. And there was the possibility to fight. Melkor was too injured to defend Angband. But there were Mairon, the Orcs and the Balrogs.  
“I will get your sword”, meant Gothmog as he saw that Mairon made his decision. “No, I got one”, Mairon answered and lifted his hand. Dark shadows were forming around his fingers and they began to form a weapon.  
Mairon never held Grond before. Melkor once told him how to call for the giant hammer. He felt the pain and the hate it was made of. “This is the only weapon which could possibly kill a Valar”, Melkor said, when Mairon forst made it to form the hammer of darkness.  
“Be safe with it, and if I am not able to call for it anymore, I want you to hold it and protect our kingdom with its power.” A single tear rolled over Mairons cheek and fell on Melkors chest.   
“I am sorry my love”, Mairon whispered and he didn’t care that Gothmog listened. He lifted Grond with all his power and did the final hit….


	13. Last Part

Melkors eyes were calm as always. He didn’t seem to be shocked about the fact that his own hammer was so close to his face. His strong big hands had stopped the weapon in the last possible moment.  
Mairon wasn’t able to breath. His mouth and his eyes were wide open and even Gothmog was totally surprised. There was silence in the room. Neither Mairon nor Gothmog said a word. They just stared at their master who came back to live.  
“I feel a little bit dizzy”, Melkor said and a thin smile was sneaking over his face. Mairon felt a tear which was falling from his eyes. He didn’t even notice that he started crying.  
“Melkor…” He wanted to say something but he didn’t know what. He just looked into Melkors dark eyes which were teasing him with the usual look of amusement.  
“I slept too long”, commented Melkor and laughed. The sound filled the empty halls of Angband with light and live. The master had returned and the fort began to awake. The Valar would soon have new problems.   
Mairon couldn’t resist anymore he let go of Grond and threw himself into Melkors strong arms. “You idiot”, he shouted, hugging Melkor until he had problems to breath.   
“Easy there little fellow”, Melkor said softly and stroked Mairons hair, like he used to do it. And it was like the first time he did it. Mairon was shivering. Gothmog slowly left the room. He was an asshole but he knew when he had to leave.  
Melkor was softly interrupting their hug and smiled his happy smile which he used to smile when he won a battle. “Did you miss me”, he asked. He knew very well how much Mairon missed him but he wanted to hear it.   
“I thought you were dead”, Mairon shouted without answering the question. “I can’t die, I am Melkor”, Melkor replied. Mairon had to smile about that. Melkor always said that. He was Melkor, he couldn’t die, of course he couldn’t.  
“You saved me, didn’t you. I’m sure you did something dumb to do so.” Melkor looked directly at him but Mairon was only lifting his shoulders. “Maybe I flew to Valinor and stole some Athelas. Maybe I even talked to Curumo and convinced him to let me go”, he said and smiled for one moment.  
“You learned too much”, Melkor commented and tried to get up. But the pain sent him back on the bed. “Slowly, you are still hurt”, Mairon warned but when he looked to the wounds they were much smaller.  
“I’ll be just fine, come on show me around. I want to see what my kingdom has become”, Melkor demanded. Mairon sighed and helped Melkor to get up. He was very heavy. But the fact that he was able to walk gave Mairon strength.   
“Everything has changed. I wasn’t able to build Angband up again without you”, Mairon whispered. Suddenly he realized that he betrayed Melkor. He hid from the Valar and let them capture Melkor. He had to be very angry.  
“Are you going to banish me”, he asked with the knowledge that Melkor was going to do so, there was no possible reason why he shouldn’t. But Melkor stopped and looked at Mairon as if he said that he wanted to join the Valar.  
“Why should I”, he wondered really surprised. “Don’t pretend to be surprised. I betrayed you, I have let you go. I didn’t protect you. I don’t deserve to be with you anymore”, Mairon counted his crimes.   
Melkors laughter sounded like an earthquake. It was so loud and so full of joy that Mairon thought he had gone mad. But Melkor calmed soon and shook his head. “You think I am mad because you hid. I was so glad when I heard that the Valar didn’t get you, that I cried. Mairon I never thought that you betrayed me”, Melkor said.  
Mairon was so surprised that he couldn’t answer. Melkor smiled at him and his face came nearer. “I missed you so much”, he whispered. And then he kissed Mairon. And it was like the first time. In the halls of Melkor, when Mairon was still one of the Maiar. Melkor still tasted like cherred salt and ambers.   
“What was that one for”, Mairon smiled. It had been a very long time since he smiled like this, it seemed like the first time in an eternity. “For saving me”, said Melkor. “How about you show me my bedroom first. I think I have to do some stuff there.” Melkor winked.  
Mairon lead him the way through Angband. The Orcs where screaming when they saw Melkor and the Balrogs changed into their frightening appearance again. Angband came back to life, because Melkor did. In this moment, Mairon realized how dumb he had been. Melkor had never been in danger, at least he was immortal, and he just couldn’t die.   
The bedroom was the only part of Angband which Mairon rebuilt after Melkor had been captured. The bed seemed to be waiting for the trusted weight of Melkors and Mairons joined bodies.  
“You did good, building up this part”, commented Melkor and smiled. “Maybe you could help me, building something”, he added. Mairon didn’t understand. “What do you mean”, he wondered. Melkor grinned now, he lifted his left hand and grabbed into the air but from the air itself he got three shining stones.  
Mairon never saw something like that but he knew the light which came out of the stones. “The Silmarills”, Melkor said and he laughed shortly. “The last source of light for these damned Valar. I want you to forge me a crown with them in it, but be careful, this stones burned my skin I don't want to know what they’ll do to you”, Melkor ordered.  
Mairon nodded, he had seen Melkors burned hands and had been wondering where these wounds came from. “You are so stupid, why do you always touch things which will obviously harm you”, asked Mairon, but he smiled, he couldn’t be angry with Melkor. He was to glad about him coming back.   
“Did you just call your master stupid servant”, Melkor asked in his best “Ruler of Utumno” voice. He laid the Silmarills on the shelf at one side of the bed and came to Mairon again. “I did”, answered Mairon and looked directly into Melkors eyes. Those wonderful black eyes, which he missed so much for three thousand Valinorian years.   
“That has to be punished”, Melkor shouted and pointed at the bed. “Lay down”, he ordered. “As you wish.” Mairon went to the bed and laid down. Melkor came to him and while he walked he put off his shirt. His muscles were as impressing as always.   
“Do you know how they call me”, he asked, looking very serious, Mairon grinned. “Yeah, I heard about your new name”, he answered. Now Melkor smiled too. “Say it”, he ordered. “Convince me”, Mairon demanded.  
Melkor came into the bed he positioned his hands left and right from Mairons shoulders, which seemed ridiculously small against his ones. “I know some ways to convince somebody”, Melkor tried to be serious but he failed and smiled again. “Yeah but none of them is new for me”, Mairon reminded him.  
“You demanding little piece of Ainurcrap”, whispered Melkor and kissed Mairons forehead, like he always used to do and it was like the first time when he did it. His mouth was wandering to the buttons of Mairons shirt and with the experience of many years he opened them with his teeth. He kissed Mairons chest.  
“Say my name”, he ordered, kissing Mairons belly. Mairon was shivering, he was sure he couldn't resist much longer. The button of his pants was opened as easy as the others. Mairon lifted himself up a bit and pressed his lips against Melkors ear. “Morgoth”, he whispered and he wasn’t the only one who was shivering by the sound of the name.  
Melkor kissed him softly. “Again”, he demanded. “Don’t get greedy”, Mairon warned, kissing Melkors cheek. “I’m greedy, didn’t you know that”, Melkor grinned and put his pants off. Mairon couldn’t resist a short look to the part of Melkor he missed the most. “Again.” Mairons pants went missing somehow there was nothing in between him and Melkor.   
“Morgoth”, he said it again and Melkor set him free. It took long and was wonderful, like the first time they did it. In Manwes and Vardas bed on the Taniquetil. It had been so forbidden and so sweet.   
Melkors touch, Melkors kisses, Melkors sweat and his weight all of it seemed as unknown as it seemed that day. It really was like the first time and Mairon enjoyed it even more.  
They both were breathing heavily later. The darkness was complete and Melkors strong arms were hugging Mairon again and they protected him like always. “What about a ring”, Mairon whispered. He knew that Melkor wasn’t asleep.   
“I could put the Silmarill into three rings, I think that would be better than a crown”, he explained. “Rings are a good thing, keep that in mind, but I think a crown is better for showing off”, Melkor answered. Mairon laughed and kissed Melkors warm, big, burned hand.  
“I’ll forge some rings for you, I promise, I like rings”, he promised. Melkor laughed. “Do so, I would like it, now sleep, we got much to do tomorrow”, Melkor ordered and hugged Mairon a bit tighter. “Good night my precious”, he whispered. “Good night…” Mairon didn’t finish, he closed his eyes and sighed. “Morgoth”, he added half asleep. Then he sunk into a deep dreamless sleep.


End file.
